msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2037-12-16 06:15 pm
Entry tags:

Important stuff

Hey! I'm Arachnida/Ara, 25+

This is going to be a mess of a space, with personal and fandom things, and fanfic or other writing (maybe). I'm pretty into Hetalia and Overwatch, so that's what you'll see if you look. I like other stuff, too, but I'm not really in the fandom, you know.

I haven't used something like this in a long time, and even when I did use it I wasn't totally sure what I was doing. I hope I get better this time. I'm also hoping to like, actually talk and get close to people this time around. It looked like fun.
msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2022-03-10 09:48 pm

Huh!

I thought I had lost access to this! Turns out I was just using a very outdated password, huh.


I don't remember choosing this background/journal style, but it's very cute. Good job, ten-year-ago-me.



msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2022-01-13 05:29 pm
Entry tags:

I have no one to talk to about this sooo...

I think I fell back into PotC, lol. I had a crazy cool dream Monday morning, and since then I've been very...thinking about it constantly (which is what I prefer). When I was in the fandom the first time, in like 2004-2008ish, all I did was hang around ff.net and read. I had no interaction with anyone else.

Now, I'm pretty sure there must be something around, but I don't...know where they're hiding. I know there are fans around though, because the AO3 page is pretty active. Twitter is just a lot of people screaming about only tangentially related things, I'm not touching instagram or facebook. I found a discord but it's kind of dead, and I don't know what that corner of tumblr is like. Is everyone just on AO3? I don't want to dust off my old non-kink DA account.

Anyway I found a fandom exchange and joined it, lol. I doubt my ability a little because I've never written for the fandom and I feel embarrassed and weird about it even now, after writing fic for 12 years. It's totally not a "I need to spend a full year reading fanfic in this fandom before I can try writing for it" thing either because...I've already done that. I spent 4ish years doing that. Maybe it's more of a "these are too near and dear to my heart and live only solidly in my head, if I write them I WILL fuck it up" thing.

I also got the idea to run a 20 year anniversary zine, which I think would be neat! I don't want to step on any toes, though, which is why finding any semblance of a fandom still kicking is important. I've been on the other side of a new player coming into town and deciding how things must be run and it sucked, so I don't want to do that to anyone else. I also know overlord Disney is always watching but, eh.

But while looking to see if there have been any recent zines in the fandom (as far as I can tell there haven't) I found a stash of old fanzines, the kind that are mostly fic. Someone on ebay was selling a bunch and I got 3, for now. I can't really afford their whole supply rn, lol. I'll have to dig further on the internet to find the rest, maybe someone scanned and uploaded them...

Someone shared a gif of The Pirate (1948) with Gene Kelly and Judy Garland, so I watched the movie. I liked it a lot! It was kinda dumb but fun, lol. It was a very enjoyable watch, do not regret at all (even if it took 3 days to watch 90 minutes). I should really watch Black Sails eventually. (I think one of the reasons I Haven't is because I want to like it so much, and am afraid of, you know, not.
msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2021-12-03 08:03 pm

Watching Old TV

I've been watching M*A*S*H recently, and I love it. I know Henry Blake dies at the end of season 3 (is that spoilers? Can you spoil a 50-yr old show?) and I'm dreading it I'm a few episodes from the end of the season and I like this guy a lot. I think I'll keep it in my headcanon that he is the lone survivor of the crash (I hear the day after it aired he appeared on Cher's show, on a raft in the middle of the ocean assuring everyone he was fine), and bumbles his way back home in his fumbly incompetent but well-meaning and loveable way. It takes forever, but he does eventually get home to Lorraine and the girls. I will not budge on this.

I have also quite literally just started The Prisoner. I've only seen the opening sequence foe the first episode so far, and already I need to know why the guy went home after handing in his resignation for whatever secretive job he had? Shouldn't he have packed beforehand, bought his suitcase and things with him, and then gone to the airport or whatever?

I feel like I've got nowhere else to comfortably vent these thoughts, and they're not especially important anyway. I just wanted to type it out and post it somewhere so I don't lose it.
msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2019-05-05 06:11 pm
Entry tags:

Uh, hah, sorry

So I'm learning that I'm really bad at blogging, specifically on dreamwidth. On other sites like tumblr and twitter I don't have to actually create any content, just reblog what other people have already done. Even on DA you can favorite things. Here, though, I have to create my own posts and wow I'm bad at that. I have nothing to say, I guess. Nothing good anyway, unless you want a constant string of complaints about my dread and insecurities, but I don't really...want to do that. Not all the time.

I'm rewatching 8x3 on my laptop with the brightness turned all the way up, and I kind of appreciate the total darkness now because it disguised all the weird cgi. The lighting and colors are fantastic though, I absolutely feel like its a cold and snowy winter night and I should crack open the window to let some cold air in. The visuals are amazing, with the fire lighting up all the Dothrakis' swords and then blinking out as they're overtaken. The lack of a lot of dialogue is also very good, everyone is too busy trying not to die to say anything about it. The whole setup was so tense, it felt like a horror movie in the best way. Everyone's fear was amazing. So was the music! That montage accompanied by soft piano music near the end was beautiful.


Read more... )

You know I've never done a cut before, not even really on lj. I think I did one, ever. Then again, I made maybe three entries.
msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2018-12-17 11:11 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

Ahhhhh

Its time to take the time machine back about 10 years so I can ramble into the void.

My friend is coming over tonight and staying over into tomorrow, and I'm going to play hooky. I'm excited but also #nervous, you know. I haven't seen her in over two years, and haven't spent that much one-on-one time with someone in as long. But I hope (I HOPE) its a good day.

I spent the weekend cleaning my room and making it look nice. I did a lot that I've been meaning to but not enough lol, there is still a lot to do.
msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2012-09-25 10:14 am

There's really no point to practice if you forget it all.

Which I did. I don't remember how to do a cut, I guess I could do links though, if I ever need to.

There isn't much to say though, I guess.

It's awful lonely here, with knowing that no one sees this or even gives a fuck.

Oops.

Oh but I'm sick and don't want to go to class. I mean, I never want to go to my second one, but I'm so tired and my nose is stuffed and I think my throat's all dry and. I really just want to go back to bed.

What the hell am I going to do with these bananas. There's so many of them omg.

I have a test tomorrow in CommunicationDisorders and I'm totally not ready. Um. Oh well though, I already know I've got the lowest grade in everything ever I mean someone's got to do it, right?

My parents want to buy me a house here and I don't want them to.

I'm unsympathetic, selfish, useful, hate myself,

so yeah nothing's really changed since last time. Maybe later I'll play with stuff here and continue to not study, but now I guess I've got to go to class or whatever.
msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2012-01-22 02:41 am

Practice, I guess

Just posting a rant, maybe, to practice cutting and image-posting and whatever.

Wherin I continue to prove I am not happy and probably come off all emo and stuff, ew. )

All these Soviet!Russia shimeji on my screen are a pretty accurate representaion of my mood right now. Maybe.
msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2012-01-15 02:09 am

HATEHATEHATE

Yo. I got a new computer. Well actually, I got a new computer a few days ago. (For my birthday, which I knew of but didn't, really.) It doesn't have Word on it, though. Um, oh well? Guess I'll just...type in e-mail and e-mail it to myself and copy-paste it to a computer at school? Because I will need it for that.

I sort of needed a computer, maybe, I guess, because my old one was...old. But not really? It was '08, refurbished. But. It kept dying on me, and blue-screening and restarting and I couldn't search anything. But I was doing fine. (Oh wow this keyboard is quiet. Whoa.)

But but I did not come on here to talk about my new computer (it has a pretty big screen perhaps I will be brave enough to Firefox it?) I
came here to talk about college, and today, and how much everything I do sucks. E-yup.

So today. It started off pretty alright. My (best) friend spent the night. She slept in the same bed as me. (It is a twin.) See, I wasn't planning on her doing that. The last time she slept over we slept in the same bed, and my mother decided I like girls. So this time, I told her that was not going to happen and pulled out the trundle bed. I told her lay down and get comfy (she'd said she was tired), while I went to the bathroom to change. When I came back, she was all cuddled up in my bed. When I made to lay down in the trundle she pulled me down into bed, with her.

Well. Okay, fine.

Except she didn't want to stop there. She...did things. It was fine, because it really was nothing (besides being told I was going to be a rape victim and "you don't need to see my hands to feel them"). Though we were laughing a lot, and my bed is old and ricketey, and I fell out of it at least three times. But. (Yeah we probably woke the house.)

But when we woke up the next morning(/later that day) it was fine. We had breakfast, she borrowed my shirt-that-was-kinda-my-brother's?, we read a kitty-manga on her phone, bothered all my cats,

and ate gummy sushi.

Like, it was gross. It looked really cute, with organs and stuff (I currently have the brain in a jar on my shelf), but, OH GOD, the taste. It was like...minty plastic with puke. Only worse. (Somehow she ate three.) I could only eat the green eye (which I pretty much forced me to do, I don't like gummy things), and I'm pretty sure it'll be inside me forever. haunting me. With it's terrible taste. 

And after that...she made me call people. This is where it morphed to hell and I ruined everything ever.

Alright. So. I have to observe and 'certified audiologist' for five hours before I go back to school next week. Good, ja? Not that hard.
Except for where I have to find people. I have already tried three places. None of them have called me back.

So, on a Saturday afternoon, no one is going to be at the office, right? So I can just leave my (rehearsed and typed out) voicemail.
But no, not really. Because it really is that hard.  For me, anyway. Because.

I cannot talk on the phone. It kind of honestly terrifies me. I just...I really can't do it. I freak out. Yeah, yeah, grow up, get over it, I know, I get it. But please, exactly how am I supposed to get over something when I am scared of it? Okay, some things I can force myself to do (like, hey, eat disgusting gummy-things), but I've never been able to talk on the phone -- not even to relatives and friends. I get all weird.

Which kind of happened.

I called this one place (it had, like, twenty letters in it's name, all one word), and got a human. An actual female, sitting in an office on a Saturday afternoon. Naturally, I kind of froze up. I wasn't expecting it. I'd been distracted by the cat sitting on the table, being cute. So the person on the other end said something, and then there was a pause. A long pause.

The kind you can't recover from.

So, I freaked out. I said something like "uhm...I, uh. I-I...I'm so sorry!" and hung up. And cursed, a lot. Then I started crying and sank to the floor and fuckit if I'm being 'over-dramatic' I am NOT doing that again. I don't know how the hell I'm getting the thingers, but I can't call.

After I cried for a bit (and was force-cuddled by my friend, as my sister stood there and watched and my mom told me to get over myself) I took nail clippers and ripped some skin off my pointer and middle finger, and then went outside and stabbed the ice on our pool. Yup.

We had this black metal pole-thing that I just stabbed and stabbed into it, and then kind of reached in with my hands and crushed some of it that way and who cares if I get all soaked and my hands go numb it's not like I can feel it it's not like it matters.

And when I got back inside my hands were all dirty and bloody. (How did that happen? But I do prefer them that way...) After being warned not to tear a hole in the tarp (which I did, of course I did, and no one will believe it was an accident and that I really do feel bad), I took a walk. A long one. And when I came back my mom was walking out the door to walk the dogs and I hid behind a tree. So my friend came out and we took a walk (even though my hands were still bloody and dirty and I was mostly pretty numb). Another long one. (I really missed my hat.) We learned that we could not get back the way we came without going backwards. Oh well.

In all, the point of this is that I hate myself, I'm pretty much worthless, and I will never amount to anything. (<= trufax.)

Call it what you will. I don't care. I just needed to tell someone/something that didn't already know. (But whatever. 'S not like anyone's gonna see it here, either. I'd probably be better off writing it all in my notebook...but whatever it's already all typed.)

(There's still so much more to this, with feelings and all, but.)


AAAAUURGGH I CAN'T GET THAT PLASTIC TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH. Seriously? It's 2:07 am, I ate it more than twelve hours ago, and I still taste it. 

msarachnid: two cute dancing spiders (Default)
2011-07-06 01:46 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

So, guys. It looks like I've had this since November 5th of last year. Figured that, maybe, I should do something with it. (But what CAN I DO?) (But oh well, it's not like anyone's gonna see it, ever, anyway.)

I'm probably actually going to chicken out and not do this, as I typically do.

And...I have NOTHING to say! Which is probably why I've never done anything with this. I have nothing important or awesome or even generally interesting to say. My life is pretty boring. Really.

God, I wish I was brave.

Maybe I'll just rant a little on my pervert cat. Okay sure, there's a conversation starter. (Of the variety that typically isn't accepted in normal conversation, probably.)
So...yea. He kind of is. Like, when I'm taking a shower, he's there, watching me. Not just vacantly staring. WATCHING my every move, and moving with me. He's the reason we can't put a shelf over the toilet. Because he would sit there, and have an AREAL VIEW of everything.
And when I'm sitting down and he wants to sit on me, he does. And I'm okay with it. But not really when he puts his paws PLACES THEY SHOULDN'T GO. And he looks up at me, yawns, and places his paw on my breasts. BOTH OF THEM.

And, I think that when I sleep, he tries to kill me. Either by laying over my nose and mouth, or slicing open my jugular.

But its okay. He likes me and brings me dead things so I like him back.